Archive for the ‘Death from Domestic Violence’ Category

In the dust left behind

November 14, 2018

Hello, Friends,

You know that movie, Thelma and Louise, that was the way that this was supposed to happen. Like in the movie, Practical Magic, we were supposed to be two old biddies living in a house full of cats (okay, Brigid didn’t like cats so much) and we were going to die on the same day. We were going to be two crazy ladies on a mission of justice and empowerment that ended with us flying in a convertible off of a cliff. Either that or her Buick – either one!

I feel like I am standing on the edge of that cliff in a swirling cloud of dust that she has left behind. She flew away and I am still here.

Her mother is suing me over the final report on the estate. It is a back door move around the fact that Brigid had a “no contest” provision in her will. She is saying the most ridiculous things – like I spent too much for the funeral and on the funeral dinner. (Well – it was her family bellied up to the table!) It has been a constant assault, just when I thought this was over. We had a court hearing yesterday but the judge didn’t rule on anything. She wants me removed as executor/trustee and wants me to return any and all property – even the things Brigid left specifically to me. My attorney says I did great – but I don’t know. I just don’t know if this judge is going to buy this woman’s bullshit. She even said that, “The day after Brigid died, Joan ran out of the house yelling, Brigid left me 10,000 dollars!! YEAH!”

Well, if you have read this blog at all – or know who we are in real life – you know I have spent every day of the last 2 and 1/2 years trying really, really hard not to jump off that cliff that I am left standing on alone. I look at everything around me and I sometimes ask myself, “Is it even worth it anymore?” I know that leaving is not an option – that there are so many great things in my life. My family, my kids, my adorable grand-baby, Brigid’s adorable grand-babies. Brigid’s daughter. The promises I made that I am doing trying my hardest to keep! It is all so hard, though. I had to go over to the storage shed the other day and it is full of her things that are being kept for her oldest granddaughter. It still smells like her house and I just stand in the door and weep. This is supposed to get easier with time – but it doesn’t. People around me demand that I be who I was and I don’t even know where to find that person anymore. She doesn’t exist. I’m so tired all of the time.

I adore my husband, but this is hard on him, and he makes it harder on me. The house isn’t cleaned, the work isn’t done, I sit in the chair and stare at the TV. What he doesn’t see is me standing by the pictures of Brigid and I and crying – because I want to go back there. He is a good man and he loves me, but he wants to fix what is shattered. No one can fix this. I wrote this for him – but I can’t bring myself to give it to him.

What if I told you that you are not enough to fix my pain? That as much as I love you and I am grateful for you…you can’t replace her.

Would it help if I explained that if you had died and she had not…she would not have been enough to fix the pain of losing you. Would it help to know that losing you is my greatest fear?

What if what I have accomplished today is all I can do? Can you appreciate what was done and ignore what was left undone?

What if all I could do today was sustain life? If my only accomplishment was to get up and get through another day; can you honor that? Can you understand that I pushed through the sadness because I don’t want anyone to hurt like I hurt.

I am down the road. I am at the point where people say, “You need to move on.” What I cannot explain is that the absence of her has left a hole so large in me that the loneliness blows through it like wind through canyon walls.

Wounds become scars. The tears dry up. The things she left behind are settled. It doesn’t change the fact that she will never come through the door again.

I went to a Metaphysical Fair the other day and I did decide to do a reading. She nailed Brigid!! Down to the type of cigarettes she smoked and how she used to fling it around. I don’t know if the Psychic was that good or if Brigid is just that good – I put most of it on Brigid. She lets me (and unsuspecting people like my lawyer) know that she is still around. She told me that Brigid has heard me when I have yelled at her and that it is time that I start to forgive myself. She even told me that Brigid would be sending me someone special. These are things that I already knew. (I have my own abilities – but it is nice to get confirmation from someone else) They are things that make me weep. Yes – I need to forgive myself…I know that! Yes – I know that I will make a new friend…and it will be someone really, really special…but I didn’t want to hear that and I still don’t. Yes – I need to forgive Brigid – and I do forgive her and I don’t blame her – but there are so many times that I look around at something wonderful happening and think, “YOU SHOULD BE HERE!”

Now I am, once again, waiting for a judge to decide “justice.” Such a funny word. What is just, what is right, what is good. Personally, I would really like to see justice – just once! We don’t see much of that…do we? What little we may see we have to fight for even with out hands tied.

Even sitting here today writing “Brigid” feels so odd. I don’t want to call her that – I want to call her by her name. I can’t. We made a deal that this blog would be a place for people to find help…that we would be anonymous and they would be anonymous. I know that with every part of her she is telling me to step away from the “cliff” that I am staring at. I had come so far in coping with this before the court case came up…now it is like it is May 2016 all over again. The light was right there – I could almost grab it – the estate was nearly closed. Now it is gone again and some man who never met us will decide if I am “good enough” and if I have “done enough” to be the executor/trustee. Some man who doesn’t even know what Brigid’s mother did to her – the childhood of abuse. But, she is the grieving mother and once again…I am just some friend that manipulated the situation.

Please don’t worry – I am hanging in for now. I’m not planning on an “unscheduled dismount” of life. I’m just tired, sad, and alone…and there is no where that I can say that and there is no one I can say that to….except you.

Advertisements

WARNING – EXTREMELY GRAPHIC – CONTAINS PHOTOS THAT ARE TRIGGERING!!!!!!!!!!

August 28, 2016

Dear Friends,

The guy in the photo is Eric Jason Horner. He lives in Linn County, Iowa. He has lived in Benton County, Iowa. He has a Criminal Record with Iowa Courts Online. A simple Google search will bring this up.

“DISCLAIMER – THIS IS NOT A CALL TO VIOLENCE AGAINST THIS MAN – THIS POST IS TO PROTECT OTHER WOMEN!! DO NOT HARM THIS INDIVIDUAL!!”

This is the man that Brigid fell in love with, this is the man that beat her for 3 straight days. We are not able to prove that he murdered her. Although she died of massive blood clots in her lungs and had blood clots in ALL OF THE BRUISES ON HER BODY – she had a history of clots and had recently traveled with a change in altitude.

Please – never become involved with someone without doing a simple GOOGLE search. He has a long record of domestic violence.

The photographs are of Brigid’s body. The bruises on her arm are clearly from his hand – you can see the finger marks. I have debated whether or not to do this – but her mother asked me to – and I agree with her. If I can protect one women…then it is worth it.

Again – this man is currently facing drug charges, he will not change, you cannot make him NOT beat women…so if you have been asked out…RUN!!

eric horner

brigid1

brigid2

brigid3

Good night, Brigid 1970 to 2016

June 6, 2016

It is with overwhelming sadness that I write this post.  In fact, I am sitting at my desk at work so I am hoping that I can finish this without completely losing it.

On May 21, 2016, Brigid passed away.

I am going to share the details here because they are incredibly important.  For those of you who know who Brigid really is – please do not share this information with anyone at this time.  There is a pending police investigation.

Back in February Brigid made contact with a man she went to high school with.  She was so excited!  In March she let me know that he had sexually assaulted her.  I begged her to go to the Police, let me come get her and take her to the Emergency Room.  Preserve the evidence.  Let’s get this son of a bitch!  She refused.

She continued to date him.  I couldn’t push her…because the more you pushed Brigid…the more resolved she became.  I checked on her often.  How is he treating you?  Is he hurting you?  No, No…everything is fine.  He is being wonderful.

Brigid had never lied to me…but I suspected she was lying now.  Her granddaughter had left the state to live with her father and it was crushing her.  I sent her away to go to friends in another state.  She came back with excuses that her friend was babysitting and it was too much.  I didn’t know it at the time, but HE was demanding that she come home.

On May 15 there was a physical altercation in a bar.  She left before the police came.  Apparently, she was using medical marijuana but she was terrified because he was threatening her (it is illegal in our state.)  Myst…keep fighting girl!!  Please share her story!!  From what I have since learned he continued to beat on her at her home.  She didn’t want him living there – but he kept moving his stuff in.

On May 19th she began having difficulty breathing.  She told no one.

On the 21st of May she sent pictures of what he had done to her to her friend in another state.  Her friend contacted me and we met one another at the ER at 4:30.  We begged, we pleaded her not to go home.  The doctor brought in psychiatry, the VA Police, and any one they could think of.  She was covered from collarbone to ankles in healing bruises.

All of the tests were normal.  Small elevations that indicated healing bruises…but nothing worrisome except that she was being abused.  The plan was to eat and hopefully get her to the local police station.  The doctor wrote her a prescription that was good for a trip out of state to her other friends.  She LOVED IT!  She felt good, loved, confident, happy, and scared all at the same time.  They had offered her a CT scan to ensure there were no blood clots in her lungs…but she refused.

A few moments away she began having a panic attack.  She asked me to pull over, she was going to be sick.  I helped her through the breathing…years in Emergency Medicine and I saw only the panic attack.  I had walked her through so many I know hers as well as my own.  Within moments I was on the phone with 911 – things were changing for the worse very fast.  Suddenly, I began CPR.  They worked on her for 3 hours and found that she had thrown a very large blood clot in her lungs.  It was immediate and awful and so fast.  I am expecting the autopsy to show more than that…whatever happened, it was catastrophic and I believe it hit her brain as well.

I am sharing too much because it is something that we survivors are at a great risk for…re-traumatization leaving us paralyzed.  Paralyzed physically, emotionally, spiritually.  This asshole knew her secret and he used it against her.  It was one of the last things we said to one another…”Do you think that when he raped you he paralyzed you?” and she said, “Yes.”

Brigid leaves behind two daughters and a 5 year old granddaughter that was the light of her life.  She leaves behind so many people who loved her and cared for her.

We were besties, sisters, hetero-life partners for nearly 20 years.  There was nothing about me she didn’t know and she told me everything…until she was too afraid to tell me anything.  Please, if you are a Survivor…take a hard lesson from this.  Reach out!  I told her over and over that she had done nothing wrong, she had nothing to be ashamed of, I would help her.  I don’t blame her…please don’t believe that I blame her…not one inch!  Reaching out is hard!!!

But I can tell you what is even harder…and this will sound horribly selfish.  Living without her is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done.  No one in this world is like her.  No one can ever replace her.  Some people have said, “You have other friends.” and “I will be here for you, you aren’t alone.”  Well meaning people, but you don’t replace a Brigid.  Not today, not next week, not in a lifetime.  It is a once in a lifetime love…and I am so very grateful that I had her.

Many times over the years things came up that might have been her death…she was a cancer survivor and had some other physical issues.  More than once she and I faced her “death” together.  I could have coped with that.  Death in surgery, death in cancer…I could have dealt with that.  However, I can’t deal with the fact that she was beaten and abused to the point of death.  I don’t know how to live with that.  How do I live with that?  But I have to live.  I have no choice in the matter.  Now I have her daughters, her mother, and her granddaughter to see to.  I have to carry her legacy and her story.

I beg your prayers.  Prayers for justice for Brigid; prayers for me to carry on.

Peace,

Joan