The Best Revenge

Hello All,

The Prodigal Brigid has returned, at least for today. I am sorry I haven’t posted in a while. I can’t begin to tell you all the things I have gone through since I last wrote. I got very, very sick, and almost died. It has taken me a several months to recuperate. But being the fighter that I am, I am still here. My daughter tells me I just refuse to die, and I hope she is right. In the middle of my illness, we welcomed my beautiful grandchild into the world. I have been stealing her almost every weekend, so my time is very limited these days. Enough of the excuses, time to get down to business.

I finally did get my decision from the VA for my Comp & Pen. I got a whopping 30% service connected disability for PTSD. They didn’t want to give me even that much, because they said I was too happy. But they had to, because it is the minimum they can give for PTSD stemming from MST. And it didn’t help my case that I am not an alcoholic. Too Happy. Let that sink in a little. I have severe anxiety attacks, have extreme startled responses. I deadbolt my door every time I come home, and check it constantly through the night, to make sure it is locked. But I am too happy. It took me reaching out to my congressman several times to finally get my paperwork going. So now I get $392 a month in compensation. I swear, I feel like a cheap $5 whore, except I don’t get even that much. But it isn’t about the money, and it never was. Having CID admit that I really was raped in Ft Gordon was probably the best thing that came out of this. That they actually admitted it. The only negative thing in my plethora of pages of the decision was that I was too happy. Wish I actually was too happy. But I have always said the best revenge is living well. And the entire time I was a soldier, I had a mantra. NEVER LET THE BASTARDS WIN. So I refused to let my chain of command see that they were winning the war against me. I learned to paste that fake smile on my face and pretend they were not getting to me. Guess I got too good at it.

On to current news. Joan and I were on the front page of the newspaper today, and even though we were photographed so we wouldn’t be recognized, a couple of people still knew it was me. I can’t tell you how scary that is. We did the interview, to try to bring in awareness for the film we are showing tomorrow night in Iowa City. I thought we would just be a fluff piece in the entertainment section. I can’t repeat the slew of profanity when Joan called and said we would be on the front page. Can you say PANIC ATTACK with me? All of the responses have been positive, however, and we are hoping the message encourages more to come forward, seek help and compensation, and become survivors instead of victims like Joan and I have done.

Speaking of Joan, can I tell you what a wonderful woman she is? She is relentless, getting donations to have the film brought here. Her goal is to have every community see The Invisible War. It is amazing how quickly this is taking off. So it was worth it to be in the paper. To bring this issue to the front, and maybe not only help others find the courage to come forward, but to possibly effect a change in the military.

Joan, I have to tell you that you are such an amazing woman. You have done so much. How did I ever get so lucky to have you for my bestest friend in the whole wide world?

I told Joan that I believe the article has done more for the cause than the failed lawsuit Burke Law attempted. And don’t get me started on Burke Law PLLC. I don’t have anything nice to say about them, but I could run on for days on the cold hard Brigid-like truth about them. I will only say that someone really needs to take a stupid stick to them and beat some common sense and sensitivity into them.

I will stop here, and try to write more often. If you get a chance, please see The Invisible War. Spread the word. One voice in a storm usually goes unheard, but when you had several voices, it gets much harder to ignore.

Stay Strong,



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3 Responses to “The Best Revenge”

  1. Myst Says:

    Brigid.. wonderful to see your words here. I am sorry them &%$##$ %&#%er’s gave you such a small award. I know I am very new at all this… only been since last Dec I have faced my own truth demons, but perhaps with the new climate of things you could appeal or add something to the claim? Or you may just be sick of the whole ugly mess… but it sure seems that even if you are in some part ‘happy…. that you should still be fairly compensated for the hell they have put you through all these years!

    A HUGE thank you to you both for being such an amazing inspiration for me, and some of my co-survivors who read your blog. Your words here are NOT in vain by any means. Please continue to hang in there, and share your wisdom with us when you can.

    With deep and abiding respect and admiration for you both.

  2. enemyinthewire Says:

    Brigid – as always you make me cry!! You think I am strong – but I am only strong because I have you in my life. You are the toughest, bravest and most honorable person I have ever known!

    What one of us couldn’t do alone – we can do together. That is an important fact for all of us!

    Myst – thank you so much for your kind words – we love ya, Sister!! You have been doing a great job! I love reading your blog – you have so much strength and courage. We welcome you into the “club” with open arms and open hearts! I know – it’s not even a club you knew existed and one that you never, ever wanted to be a member of…The Club of the MST Survivor. However, since you are stuck here with us 🙂 keep up the hard work – the courage – the open heart and the sisterhood! We will all get through this together!!!

    Someday – we will celebrate, all of us, the end of this really )(*&&*%$^ sucky thing they call MST. For now – we will be strong!!

    Peace and Blessings,


  3. enemyinthewire Says:

    Myst, thank you for your kind words. But your courage is the one thing I want to thank you for the most. I promise to write more often. Keep fighting the good (well, crappiest of all crappy) fight. It took 17 months for my claim to be decided. In the meantime, a lot of our Iowa National Guard troops came home and got pushed to the front of the line. That is when I about lost it, and reached out to my congressman, first of many times unfortunatley. But I pointed out that it was an impossiblilty that not at least one of those returning troops wasn’t a rapist, and got pushed in front of me.

    It took several emails to him and his aide, but it got my case pushed forward again. CONTACT YOUR CONGRESSMAN, then go for other congressmen if you have to. It is a horrible experience, the waiting. I know. But you already did the hardest thing, just in filing. Stay strong!


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