Running on Empty


Hello, Friends. 

I has been a little while since I took the time to sit down and blog.  My life has turned into one busy moment followed by another.  I’m running…it isn’t necessarily a good thing.  Right now I am training people at work and I have entered a leadership training at work.  My Veterans Service Organization is keeping me moving constantly, but I knew it would when I became Commander.  I have Rider responsibilities and I just couldn’t say “no” when I was asked to teach Bible Literacy for confirmation classes.

My therapist had an interesting question for me a couple of weeks ago and it has been running around in the back of my mind.  Quite frankly, it has been “haunting” my mind. 

 “You spend nearly ever moment of your day working with Veterans.  Have you ever considered giving up your VSO activities and moving your focus away from Veteran issues?”

Wow…now there is a question!  NO – I have never considered it.  I remember saying to a Sergeant-Major when I was being unfairly discharged from the military, “SGM, I have spent my whole life as a soldier…now what do I do?”

Now what do I do?  Who am I?  Who am I WITHOUT Veteran’s issues?  Is it even possible to “walk away?”

These are the questions that have been dashing through my mind any time that I stop and take a second to breathe.  Because some of my physical injuries that I am service connected for will eventually impair my ability to be a lab tech, I am now qualified for some educational benefits.  Actually, I am qualified for ALL the educational benefits.  I have the dream shot of being able to go back to school and get a job I have always dreamed of…I want to teach history.  I love teaching and I have tons of experience doing it.  I have the experience, I have the ability, I have the drive, I even have a proven record of success in that field…I just don’t have the piece of paper.  The government is willing to give me the piece of paper.

“I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten—” Joel 2

In the book of Joel, after a time of horrible things, God promises His people that he will restore what the locusts have eaten.  It is a story of redemption.  God redeems his innocent and restores what was taken from them unjustly.

When I left the military I was using my educational benefits and I was in college…majoring in history.  The military stripped me of all of the really useful educational benefits…now the government says that I can have them back.

 I am a person  who really believes that there are signs and wonders done for us by God.  I believe that God is there, that He sees and that He cares.  I believe that if we try to follow Him with all of our hearts He will make everything right in the end. I believe that the promises in the Bible are true and real.   Maybe that isn’t a “right” that we will see here in our lifetime, maybe it is something that will come only in the end.  But we can’t rush things – everything comes in God’s own time.

Maybe these questions and maybe these “new” responsibilites, teaching for my church, my therapist’s strange questions..for example, are meant to tell me something else is around the corner. 

I don’t know.  I only know that there are many more days that I am moving forward without feeling much of anything.  Running around like crazy but not having any real feeling of energy.  Watching as attempt after attempt is thwarted by people who really ought to be out there fighting on our side.  Not just the side of the MST survivor, but on the side of all Veterans.  But they don’t, they just stare at me like they are a zombie…night of the living dead…no desires, no passion.

Maybe I am coming to the place where it is time to step away.  You know, some days a class full of students learning about Gettysburg sounds a whole lot easier than what I am doing now.  No, high school students are not a typical dream…but it is one that I have had for years.

Is it time to go for a dream?

Joan

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