Things that Go BUMP in the Night

I need to explain that my beautiful baby girl, that I brought into this world almost 19 years ago, has turned into a spoiled, and out of control child. She destroyed the car I gave her, but not checking the radiator. I refused to pay for another car, since I knew she wouldn’t take care of it. Long story short, she hardly ever comes home anymore, I mean a week will pass before she shows up for an hour or two, and then is back out the door. She stolen from me, has been arrested for pot. But worst is when she sneaks her 22-year-old Loser boyfriend into my house.

This is not a woe is me story in the least. Due to my situation, the last thing I can tolerate is a man in my house for any reason right now, it takes away my sense of security. My home is the one and only place in the world that I feel safe. And little by little, or leap by leap, my daughter is taking even that away from me. I have cut her off financially, because she owes me several hundred dollars, and yet stole my .credit card 5 times (yes, I hid them in a different place each time, but she still found them). Last month is was for $350 in gas, cigarettes and fast food for her and Loser. I blew a gasket, made her return the card and pay me within 2 weeks, or I WOULD have her arrested. She will never find money or the credit cards ever again, and she has tried.

She bought this piece of crap car for $300, that needed $100 part to get it running. The windows wouldn’t stay rolled up, when it rained, the horn was possessed, and started blaring. The seat was broke, so she had to sit on the edge of it to drive, and it was permanently laying down. They rigged it so the windows would stay up, used books they never read to prop up the seat, and removed the horn’s fuse. Oh, did I mention the heater never shuts off? She bought this car so she could get to work, and I refused to take her anywhere after everything (we all know how I can go on and on and on and on-because there are a ton of things I won’t mention here that she has done lately) she has put me through. And neither will my mom.

So, she has had this car not even 2 weeks, and sent me a text at 2:00am the Friday before last, telling me she fell asleep, but was on her way home. I have asked her to call or text me if she isn’t going to be home by 1:30, so I can not be worried. Well, at 4am, I got another text stating that she was just going to stay where she was. I found out the next day that she had actually hit a deer, which was why she didn’t come home. Now the headlights don’t work, so it is only drivable during the day. Can’t find them even in a junk yard. All I can do is laugh. The hood is all smashed in, but was still drivable, until the radiator got a hole last Wednesday.

Since she can’t drive at night, and mom won’t play taxi, she has taken to sleeping at friends’ houses near work for the last month. That is why she is rarely home at all. They got a new radiator with half of her paycheck, since the other half had to go to me for the credit card. Of course the brand new one (not used) has a hole in it, so she still can’t get home. OK, got that all out of the way, now on to the real story here.

So, this last Friday, she hadn’t come home, and I really wasn’t expecting her. At 3:00am, 2 people started pounding on my door, bedroom window, and the wall above my head where I sleep. This went on for 15 minutes. I can’t even begin to explain how this affected me. They were pounding so loud, that I just was shell-shocked. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking uncontrollably. I couldn’t even grab my cell phone by my head to call the police. My whole body just shut down. Yet they kept on for 15 minutes. Then it stopped, and it took about an hour for me to calm down and go back to sleep.

Now, anyone who knows me, knows that even if it is daylight, I am not opening my door unless I know who you are. And if you pound on it, I am never going to answer it, I can’t handle the pounding at all. If it had been an emergency, then someone needed to call me, and then I would have answered. If my daughter had locked herself out, she has a cell phone that I pay for, but she was still working and didn’t get home (yeah, I was amazed too) at 4:30am. So, in the morning, I asked her about it, she knew nothing-so she says.

I had to go to a family function that afternoon, and when I came home, I saw broken glass from her bedroom window on my lawn. I went to her room, and someone had broken the window, and came in through it, because it was up, not down like it was when it would have been broken. My daughter had gone to work at 9:00 that morning, so I couldn’t talk to her. When I finally got ahold of her, and told her about her window being broken, and the storm window being opened, she said she couldn’t figure out why she had been freezing the night before, but knew nothing about it. Well, it scared the crap out of me.

Saturday night she said she wouldn’t be home. But at 3:00 in the morning, I woke up because I smelled cigarette smoke. One thing I am always on her about is smoking in her bathroom, that she needs to take it outside. So, I assumed it was her. I was kind of mad, but was too tired to get out of bed. But she never came home Saturday after all. Someone came in through her window again.

All I can say, is the only place where I feel any security is gone. I lied to her, and told her I got a gun over the weekend, and would shoot to kill the next uninvited person in my house. I also told her that she needs to move out very soon, so she can take all her troubles elsewhere, and I can have my peace of mind, or what little of it there is left, back. My therapist thought that was a good idea to lie about the gun, told me to put a deadbolt on my bedroom door, to protect myself from the intruders. But evidently whoever they are, they were not after me, so that is a good thing. If they happen to come back, and come after me, I know that my instinct for survival will kick in, and I don’t even know if God will have mercy on them.

I was feeling so weak, because my PTSD and anxiety left me basically helpless. But my therapist said that she hasn’t ever been raped or assaulted, and that would have scared the crap out of her too. And that she won’t even open her door in the daytime if she doesn’t know who it is. That made me feel a little better. So, it has been two days without unwanted guests in my house, but I can’t sleep. My daughter has told all her friends about my gun, and I informed her that I don’t keep it in the house when I am gone, that it now goes with me everywhere I go. That should keep them from breaking in while I am gone and trying to find it.

Sorry it was a kind of jumbled post. My mind isn’t operating on full power these days.

Praying for my sanctuary back again,




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