Girls Night Out

My therapist told me a few months ago to get back out there, to start doing things with friends again. I had pretty much locked myself in my house for 4 years after I left my fiancée. I only feel safe and comfortable in my house, and leaving my house just didn’t seem feasible. A few times a year I would have dinner with friends, who luckily knew I have severe anxiety issues, but still don’t know why. But they would always offer to pick me up, or wait outside for me.

Many times after she told me to get back out there again, I would make arrangements to go out with some other friends, get all dressed up, and then the crippling anxiety kicked in, and I couldn’t leave my house. I stood them up. Still, they asked me again and again, thankfully. I determined I would finally make it the next time, and explained to Laurie about my anxiety, and she understood immediately, because her sister was the same way. She texted me when she was leaving, found parking for both of us, and waited at her car until I got there. Thank God for her, and since then, we have been out a few times. And I immediately felt safe with her, and have so much fun with her.

I now have about 4 different groups of girlfriends that I am going out with regularly, and Friday was to meet with a couple of them across the street from work. Again, they know I can’t go in by myself, but have no idea why, but are kind enough to text me that they are there, so I have a panic attack every time anyway, but go in. Renee was already there, and Ginger was on her way. I had a real bad week on both personal and professional levels, and was beyond ready for that first beer. We had a great time, and Adrienne joined us. Ginger had to leave, but Renee wanted to go on to a pub clear on the other side of town, one I had never been in. But I agreed, in spite of the fact that it was not in a good part of town. I have to mention that when I was pregnant with my daughter, a man had gone to this bar with an ax, and threatened the people there, and I was the only one to remember that. But I agreed to go anyway.

Adrienne took a wrong turn on the way, so I followed her and passed her, so she could follow me. We got to the parking lot, and she bailed on us. So, now it is just Renee and me. I had been texting Laurie, because it was her birthday, and she wanted us to come out with her for a drink, but she wasn’t going out for 2 hours. Renee and I had already been drinking for 5 hours at this time, but slowly, so we could drive, but we were still kind of tired, but held on until 10 to meet Laurie at an even more dangerous area of town, downtown. We were determined to stay for only one drink, but of course that didn’t happen.

We were having a blast, dancing and just having fun. Then we went on a pub crawl down the street, to get Laurie free shots at the surrounding bars. Every 2 or 3 minutes, a police car would go by, or we would pass police officers on foot, if that is any indication as to what kind of neighborhood we were in, and I was on edge, but hid it. We had shots at each of the 3 other bars we visited, and headed back to the bar where Laurie’s family was at, and she proceeded to get sick in the bathroom. A bartender was in the bathroom at the time, and told us she had to leave. Renee was helping her out, and I ran to the dance floor to get her man. He acted all concerned, helped us get her to her car, we thought he was going to take her home. He rolled the window down for her, then he and Renee walked back into the bar.

Laurie is passed out in her car, in a real seedy part of town, with cabs driving by, and men walking by. I couldn’t leave her. I kept waiting for them to come back. They didn’t. I called Renee, and she was already coming back. She said that he had just went back onto the dance floor, and wasn’t planning on taking her home. I said I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave her. Renee agreed, and went back to the bar to get her keys, so we could at least get her home. So, here I am, alone, guarding a passed out woman, in a really bad part of town, in the middle of the night (it was 1:30 when we got her to the car). I had one hand on my cell phone, the other on the emergency button for my car alarm, and I sat down on the curb.

20 minutes later, Renee came back with Laurie’s house key, and we tried to get Laurie to move to one of our cars, but she wouldn’t. The bar closed 10 minutes later, and he finally came out, to take her home, and everything was fine. But the whole time, all I could think of was that she was going to get raped if I left her, and no matter how scared I was, I just couldn’t leave her there, and have no idea how anyone else did.

I told this to Joan, and she said that there really are some people out there that don’t worry about waking up with a penis in their mouth. And some people think nothing of leaving a woman passed out in a car with the windows rolled down in a bad part of town. I can’t fathom this. I realize that not many people have to worry about waking up with a penis in their mouth, but still, not worrying that someone wouldn’t come along and rape or kill her? But it all turned out OK in the end, she was safe, and I would have killed anyone who would have tried to harm either of us. I am proud that I stayed with her, no matter how scared I was. But I will make sure that situation NEVER happens again!



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