Ranger Wags Part 4


So, I went to his room, and when we got there, I opened a can of beer, and I asked if he would like one. That was when he told me that he didn’t drink, except Pepsi, and told me to drink up, because the 6-pack was all for me, and it would just go to waste if I didn’t drink it. I really began to get nervous then, so I sipped on my beer, and hoped that this would be over soon. I didn’t know what to do, I just tried to kep things light. We talked for a while about booby-traps, and some of the things that he had learned as a Ranger. Then SSG Wags began to kiss me and touch me. At first I didn’t know what to do, so I just tried to ignore him, and not reciprocate anything, and hope he would get the hint that I was definitely not interested in have a sexual relationship.

SSG Wags sensed my apprehension, and said that if I slept with him, he would get me promoted to PFC. I informed him that I was NOT interested in getting promoted that way, that I would rather earn it on my own, because how could I look at myself in the mirror if I slept my way to a promotion. I tried to fight him off for a while, and he let me know that he could make things much easier for me in his section. SSG Wags didn’t exactly threaten me, but I interpreted that if I didn’t have se with him, then I would have a very hard time at drill. I again told SSG Wags that I was not interested in sleeping my way to the top, but he kept on touching me, and kissing me.

At this point, I felt that I must have done something to make him think that I wanted to have sex with him, and it didn’t matter how I felt, he wanted to have sex. I felt that I had no other choice, that if I didn’t have sex with him, he would make things very difficult in the section. So, I believed that it was my responsibility, for getting myself into this predicament, and I finally gave in. It had to be lousy sex for him, because I laid there flat on my back, and stared at the ceiling (the dead horse position). I tied to pass the time by making out shapes in the design on the ceiling, and I made out the shape of a dragon, which took my mind off what was happening. I did not participate whatsoever, and I can’t for the life of me figure out what he could have liked about it.

After he was done, he insisted that we take a shower together. I really didn’t want to shower with him, but I did want a shower, because I felt so dirty, so I took the shower with him. After the shower, SSG Wags informed me that he and his wife wer back together, that he didn’t want to be, but his Father-in-law was his boss, and he desperately needed his job. I felt so bad, not only had I went against my principles, but I had sex with a married man on top of everything else. He finally took me home and we never talked about that night again.

Oh, there is so much more. It only gets much worse, and more painful…

Brigid

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6 Responses to “Ranger Wags Part 4”

  1. bookwitchery Says:

    I know this is so painful for you to get out.

    Thank you, thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. It lets other people know that they are not alone.

    I just wish I had some bigger gem of wisdom to empart. But all I can say is, thank you.

  2. enemyinthewire Says:

    Bookwitchery,

    Thank you for the support. I hope it is helping others, to let them know they are not alone. It is helping me to put it out there. But man, it is one difficult task for me. It is like I am reliving it everytime I type. But, I am getting stronger because of it.

    Thank you always for your comments. Joan and I appreciate them so much. It lets us know we are reaching some.

    You stay strong!
    Brigid

  3. bookwitchery Says:

    I know it’s difficult. There are times when I wish I could just pretend that this kind of stuff never happened.
    But it did, and unfortunately, if we don’t speak up, there are other men and women who will be in the same position, afraid they are alone.

    As Joan as said to me before…keep hanging in there!

  4. bookwitchery Says:

    For some reason this part struck me tonight. You believed it was your duty, because he would make life very difficult for you and possibly for others.

    I had sex with someone once to keep him off of my younger sister. Doesn’t make it less of an assault, dear one, and it wasn’t your fault. I’m sure you’ve heard this before, but whatever you did to survive the night was the right thing to do.

    I know that knowledge doesn’t make it any easier…but there it is.

  5. enemyinthewire Says:

    Thank you so much for that last comment. As I was typing this part of the statement, I almost vomitted in my mouth when I got to the part about it being my duty. I wrote this statement 13 years ago, when I still thought it was my fault. I now know it wasn’t.

    It was Joan who first told me that what he did to me was still considered rape, even by military standards back when I was 18. But even at 27, I still felt like I had done something to cause it. I know now, and sincerly believe, that I did nothing to cause it.

    My thearipist has told me that predators like to seek us out. That when a person has already been vicitimized by rape, they are more likely to be assualuted again. Not because they have a ‘rape me’ sign tattooed on their heads, but because the predators see the strength in them, and want to squash it.

    What you did for your sister is beyond admirable. And is so beyond not your fault. Keep that chin up! Just know that we are all getting stronger every single day. I admire you for everything you have done and been through.

    Brigid

  6. bookwitchery Says:

    I agree, predators just seem to “know”.
    When I hear someone say that they don’t believe a woman (or man, and I do know a few men who’ve gone through horrible sex crimes.) has had multiple assaults…I want to scream.

    We need to keep getting the word out. Nothing changes if we keep silent.

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