Goodnight, sweet Abbie


I lost a precious, precious friend today.  I held her in my arms as she breathed her very last.  I stroked her and told her it was okay to let go…to release the last of the pain.  I told her I would be okay without her…but I lied.

Abbie Gail was the coolest cat in the whole world.  She came out of the local shelter.  In fact, she picked me out.  I had gone in the cage almost 5 years ago to get my daughter when this furry little gray cat with light in her eyes climbed me like I was a cheap set of Salvation Army curtains. 

5 years ago my Cuddles had just died.  Cuddles would lay with me and we would read books and take our Sunday afternoon snooze together.  I was still mourning Cuddles when this evil gray beast crawled into my heart.

Abbie was my unofficial “therapy” cat.  She seemed to know what I was feeling the moment I was feeling it.  She was evil to the core – and loved anything “people” food.  She knew how to make me laugh.  She knew how to bring me comfort.  I hadn’t had Abbie very long when I had to have a serious set of oral surgery – thanks to a stupid resident that messed up a tooth pull – and I fear dental work more than anything else.  The whole week that I was laying in bed in horrible pain she would come up on my lap and nudge her nose under my hand and she would rest there until the pain medication took effect.  She brought me more comfort and peace than all the Vicodan in the world!

Three days ago she just didn’t look right.  She seemed tired and “off.”  Two days ago we noticed her hind legs seemed weak.  Yesterday, we called the vet for an emergency appointment this morning.  I figured it was a urinary tract infection or a small stroke.  Something relatively minor that could be cured.  Abbie was always high strung and wild in her nature and she could get sick so easy. 

I called our vet to check in at 11:30 – by 1:15 she was gone. 

“It’s not good…it’s a tumor…it’s massive.”

Cancer?  Can we operate?  Maybe it’s not a tumor?  We have to try!  Not my Abbie – Oh, God…Not my Abbie!

“No hope.  Suffering…in pain.  Maybe it’s time to consider letting her go?”

I don’t want to let go!  I don’t want to lose my Abbie!  Please, God!  I need a miracle.

This wouldn’t hurt any less…even if it could be explained.

I held her in my arms as the sedation took hold.  I held her through the seizure…she never felt it…but I did.  I held her like she “held” me through so many days and so many nights.  The first shot to stop her heart missed the mark and she just kept breathing.  She kept fighting.  It’s okay, baby girl, just let go.  The second shot must have gone directly into the heart…it was over in a second.  In a second.

Why today of all days?  5 years ago today my Cuddles died…today – my Abbie died.  Why today?

Goodnight, sweet Abbie.  You were there with me on some of the worst days of my life.  Why we only had 5 years I will never know or truly understand.  There will never be another cat that touches my heart the way that you did.  I love you – I will always love you – rest well and be at peace in the arms of Jesus.  I will see you at Heaven’s gate.

Joan

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