So Joan got her compensation letter finally. I want to be elated for her, she got 50% disability. That is good. But I don’t she got enough. I honestly don’t think 100% would be enough, since it never should have happened, but it did. I have a friend who was in Iraq, and got caught in a roadside bomb. He got a brain compression injury, but never went to the hospital. He gets a full $3000 a month for the rest of his life, and he is able to work 60+ hours a week in his civilian job.

How is his injury worth more than Joan’s? I am not minimizing¬†his trauma, not in any way, but it seems like Joan’s trauma is being minimized. I was more angry when I heard the total than I was happy for Joan. But at least the VA is admitting that yes, it really did happen, and that she really has suffered because of it. But that is why it is bittersweet. Why couldn’t the Army admit this at the time? Why does it have to be VA after 14 months of proving it?

I think Joan would have been much happier if the Army had said this was wrong back then. That would have meant more than all the money in the world, especially if Jerk and Clarence had been punished. But they got away with it. Where is the justice that she deserves? She is still in therapy. How long will that go on? Years? When will she get over it? NEVER.

Then I got to thinking that now it is over for Joan, I have to step up and put in my claim. I am not looking forward to this in any way. I have so much anger for the 11 years I suffered, all for trying to serve my country with honor. I have all my documentation, recordings and proof all ready to go, but am scared out of my mind. I know that I am going to feel violated and raped all over again, and that is not right. Plus, what happens if my claim is denied? How would I ever recover from that?

So many feelings are running through my mind right now. Happy and sad for Joan, and scared and angry. But mostly just bittersweet.


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2 Responses to “Bittersweet”

  1. jayherron Says:

    The 50% opens the door for a full disability-appeal the decison,and be sure to understand,it is not about the money,it is the principal of the situation…as you said-holding the military accountable!

    I AM SO PROUD-because you stoodup and faced it and fought it-and succeded in showing others “We can do this”!

  2. enemyinthewire Says:


    I know you are scared to death! You know exactly what this last year has been like for me…the feelings of going through everything again.

    You are NOT going to go through this ALONE! You and I will walk through every step of this together…from the first paperwork…to the Comp and Pen…to the decisions and any necessary appeals…right down to the Margarita toasts!

    Jay is right…it is NOT about the Money…it never has been. Money doesn’t take it away. It is about the Principal of the Situation!

    And you are right, Brigid. If someone had stood up and said…”Joan is right…something very wrong is happening here.” I probably would be a lot healthier in the head than I am now.


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