Bad Dreams

It has been a week of bad dreams and a stomach all tied in knots.  Last Tuesday I was home from work because I couldn’t get out of the bathroom…for the rest of the week I haven’t been able to do anything in the bathroom.  Chronic abdominal problems suck.

I am supposed to be accessing the emotions that go with my physical assault.  I lay there in a comfortable position seeking those emotions – but there is nothing.  I see the things going on around me, but now it is like a bad movie that I can’t seem to hook up with – so I feel nothing.

Until I go to sleep.  Then every emotion I can’t access is coming back around in different forms and leaving me sweaty and breathless when I finally wake up.  Last night I dreamed that my precious daughter was dead.  That she had died due to negligence on someone’s part – because that someone didn’t take care of her.  I don’t know who that someone was…I just know it wasn’t me.  Then all of the fear, anger, sorrow and every other emotion flooded my dreams.  I don’t wake up – I just toss and turn and flip.  The emotions stay even as I peak in on her to make sure she is safe in bed.

Well, today is therapy day…in one hour.  I guess that this will be the first topic of conversation.  Therapy generally blows my Monday all to hell.  Once I am done…I am done.  All I want to do is go home and go to bed.




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