My First Counseling Statement


About 4 months after I got back from Basic and AIT, we had weapons qualification in Camp Dodge for the weekend. I was not looking forward to this weekend, because I had a real hard time learning how to qualify with the M-16, and had difficulties for years until I finally quit being afraid of my weapon. As I expected, I barely scraped by qualifying this time too, but I did it on the first time. I had another year before I had to worry about that again, thank God!

Saturday night a bunch of us went out, like is customary on drill weekends. I was a minor, but I wasn’t drinking that night. Maybe things would have gone differently if I had, but either way, it would have all been my fault anyway. I have come to understand that if you have boobs in the military, it is always your fault. Anyway, one of the men that I was out with that night was very handsome, and I had a crush on him for months. He came up to me, pushed me up against a building and pinned me there. He told me that he knew I had the hots for him, and he was going to make my dreams come true that night. I told him that yes, I might have a crush on him, but I did not want him like this, and he was scaring me and needed to let me go. It took a lot of talking on my part, and he finally said that I was probably smart for saying no to him, and let me go.

I felt disgusting, like I had just been violated all over again. I went back to the barracks, and was a little jittery. I took a long hot shower. The woman SGT that was on CQ asked me why I was acting funny, so I told her what happened, and explained that everything was fine, that Mr Handsome had let me go without harming me in any way, but I just felt dirty. My rape in Ft Gordon just 6 months prior was supposed to have been confidential, so I couldn’t tell anybody about it. The thing was, more than 30 people from my battalion in Iowa were in my training unit in Ft Gordon, so word had spread.

I went to bed, thankful that Mr Handsome had not raped me, and proud of myself for saying no to him. When we got back to our Armory, my 1SG called me into his office, and I was surprised to see a female SFC in there as well. I was confused, because I didn’t have any clue as to what was going on. I was informed that I was being given a counseling statement for accusing Mr Handsome of raping me the night before. I told him that I never accused him of rape, or even attempted rape. I explained what had happened, and that I walked away unscathed. He said that he was still going to give me a counseling statement, because I had a nasty habit of accusing innocent soldiers of rape.

I was furious! How dare they? He brought up how I was raped in Ft Gordon, but said that I had lied. I wrote the most nastiest, vicious, vile response to that counseling statement, telling my side, and stating that nobody in my battalion had any right to accuse me of lying in Ft Gordon, and that was confidential and off-limits. I also threatened to go to the Inspector General if anything like this happened again, and that women should be allowed to come forward if they are assaulted. I also explained that had I actually been raped, or even stated I was, shouldn’t Brigade be called in to investigate, and wouldn’t I need medical attention? All of this went unanswered, and this counseling statement was kept in 1SG’s desk for 6 months. I never respected him ever again.

Brigid

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