The Body Remembers


Well, Friends, Monday has come to an end.  It was another therapy Monday and I just finished my homework.  I have to speak, out loud, about SGT Jerk and the posting that I made called No Witnesses.  I am sore, I am tired and I really just want to crawl into bed. 

This is my sticking point.  My therapist made a good point today about why I am stuck in this one.  Other things that have happened to me, like my first husband and Clarence, are much worse than this.  Unfortunately, this is the day that has me stuck.

Walking away from him that day was like the end of a movie in many ways.  I can see myself clearly walking away.  I can see the tent that I am walking towards.  Then it is like the director yelled, “ROLL CREDITS,” and the moment  fades to black.  I don’t even remember reaching the tent that day. 

My body remembers that day so very clearly.  Even now, 5 hours after my therapy appointment, my right shoulder aches.  It is almost like someone left a tourniquet on my arm for too long, the fingers tingle and my arm weighs a hundred pounds all by itself.  No amount of pushing or stretching or rubbing makes it stop.  My right breast aches something terrible.  I have had it mammogramed, fine needle aspiration biopsy, and proded by numerous providers.  It is normal.  Completely normal.  My chest hurts and it often feels like an elephant is sitting there.  I have had Electrocardiograms, Echocardiograms and I recently underwent a Treadmill.  My heart is perfect.  Nothing wrong.

I guess I should rephrase that.  There is nothing physically wrong with me.  So tonight I think that I will plan a hot bath, maybe a small glass of wine and some deep, slow breaths.

Thinking  of you all tonight…Really kind of glad that I am not out in the universe  alone.

Joan

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