It’s Like Childbirth…


Hello, Friends!

The day has come to an end and I have survived four and a half hours alone in the car and an hour or so with the doctor. 

In some ways it reminded me of childbirth.  When I had my first child I had these ideas of what childbirth would be like.  Others had told me what to expect and tried to encourage me along the way.  When the contractions hit really hard…I realized that this was much worse than I expected!  Then, it was suddenly done and I felt unburdened and relaxed.  Sore as hell and completely exhausted, but it was over.

One special note to anyone preparing for this exam.  I wrote myself a statement to read to the doctor when we began.  Just simple things about how scared I was and that I knew that I couldn’t shut down on him.  On that statement I had keywords that I wanted to touch on.  Things I wanted the doctor to know that I knew would not stay with me.  This preparation really helped so much that when I left I wasn’t saying…”Oh, I wish I had remembered!” 

I also was able to link up with the nurse that would be staying in the exam room with me, since I was to see a male doctor.  If you don’t want to be alone, make sure you ask for this.  The nurse was so kind and so accomodating!  They even moved the exam out of the doctor’s office (which is, I am told, a small closet of a room without a window) into the nurse’s office which was large and nicely arranged with a window on my right side and the door on my left. 

I would encourage everyone to ask for these special accomodations!  It made it much easier.  I also got very, very lucky and there was no patient before me so although I was very early, I was in early.

It was, in some ways, worse than I thought it would be.  I pretty much acted like a big old “Basket Case” in his office, although all of the emotions and statements were true, and I hate it when I am in “Basket Case” mode.  At the same time it does no good for them to see you as a fully-functioning individual with no problems. 

It was also a lot better than I thought it would be.  Tonight I am sore all over and I am exhausted.  I also know that it was Grace and Mercy that got me there and got me back, because I hardly remember any of the drive.  However, it is done for now.  There is still medical on April 2nd and then I get to wait 6-8 weeks for the VBA to make a decision.  I just am reminding myself that I have already waited a year since the paperwork was filed, 6 years since the physical assault and 20 years since the sexual assualts.  6-8 weeks is going to suck…but at least this is done.

Joan

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