Comp and Pen Countdown

Hello, Friends.

It is now 3 days until my compensation and pension hearing for Psychiatry at the VA.  I don’t know whether I am very, very ill about it or very, very happy.

I am trying very hard to think positively as it has been more than a year since I filed my paperwork.  Veterans Benefits stuck my paperwork in a corner and forgot about it.  Somehow, one of the services that has my Medical Records seems to have “lost” them.  I should have prepared for that.  I did laugh hysterically when the VBA asked me in a letter, “Do you know where those records might be?”  I have absolutely no clue!  I would check the dumpster or the shredder.

It’s not about money, even though they took away my retirement after 16+ years.  People seem to think that we file for the money.  Yes, compensation for the abdominal pain, migraines, chest pain, panic attacks, nightmares, flashbacks and the general state of torment I live with would be nice. 

I don’t really care about the money.  What I want, what I truly want deep in every pore of my soul is for someone to say, “What happened to you was wrong.  What they did to you was wrong.  The way you were treated was wrong.”

I just want a little bit of JUSTICE.  As that country song says, “Justice is the one thing you should always find.” 

I don’t think that I am asking too much.  Monetary Compensation isn’t really going to change anything.  Money doesn’t stop the supply closet walls from closing in when someone stands in the door.  Cash doesn’t make it easier to sit in a restaurant with you back to the door.  It doesn’t help you explain to your husband why you woke him up with your screaming in the middle of the night.  You can’t just buy a new TV everytime some commercial comes on talking about Army Values like Loyalty, Duty, Respect, Selfless-Service, Honor, Integrity, Personal Courage – you have to learn to control the urge to throw the remote through the flat screen.

3 days.  I can do this…I can do this…I can do this…

They may have taken my rank and my career, but they can’t take those Values that I built my life on.

“Be with me Lord, when I am in trouble.”  Christ have mercy – grant all of us survivors JUSTICE.



3 Responses to “Comp and Pen Countdown”

  1. jay Says:

    Hill and Ponton,P.A.

    You should contact Matt Hill:

    He has been a tremendous boost to me-in my own appeal…and he knows the DVA are botching these cases!

  2. enemyinthewire Says:

    I have to admit, I have a great fear of contacting people. A while back one of my Congressmen was in town for a town hall meeting. I had the opportunity to corner him and let him know that we have to fix the VA and the VBA first…keep the promise.

    This Congressman said, “Contact my office…I want to help you.” So, after getting up the nerves I did. The woman I am dealing with is not very nice, nor very understanding at all. In fact, when I said I wanted to know who in Washington DC has my record she refused to tell me, stating that it was information only for Congressional Staff.

    Additionally, she called my former Readiness NCO, whose name was on some of the paperwork. Thankfully, he and I are friends and he is a good guy. At the same time, I asked her…”What if he was one of the abusers? The Privacy Release I gave you doesn’t give you the right to speak to anyone YOU feel like.”

    It has not gone well. I just love doing things that get my paranoia acting up!

    I will hold on to that information and I greatly appreciate it!!


  3. jay herron Says:

    I completely understand!

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